do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
