he puts the penis in happiness.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
