Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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