Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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