All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
