i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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