somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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