If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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