For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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