I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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