So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
