i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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