New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
