So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Im part way to drunk.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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