I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
