You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
