clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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