This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
