Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
