I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
