did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
