No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
