I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
