I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
