no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize