every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
