just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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