Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
