this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
