Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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