My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
