sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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