Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
birth control should be required to get into college
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
