I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
my liver is dry heaving
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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