how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
These tits shall not be calmed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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