everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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