I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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