Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
