So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
