Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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