1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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