I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
