it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Mom said you looked used
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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