if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize