ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
