my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
