I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
