My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
