Non-Jews are for practice
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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