Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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