you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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