no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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