Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
