After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ketchup is God's man juice
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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