What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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