Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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