I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
