the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
