His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
