I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
