Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
