dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
