im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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